Mounting excitement in political circles as disgruntled wannabe PM Mr. Darren Innit from the Follow the Haddock Alliance launches a new political party. The As Yet to be Named Party is proposing to reveal an as yet to be published manifesto shortly.



At a recent party launch conference in Barnsley and to loud applause and cheers from delegates, Mr. Innit outlined the as yet to be voted on policies.

• The nationalization of parliament back into public ownership.
• Raising British state pensions to ridiculous levels.
• Making the current Tory Party a criminal organization.
• Abolishing the not fit for purpose minimum wage gig-economy.
• Introducing sanctions on American rap ‘music.’

Barry Oddsprocket a delegate from nearby Sheffield commented, "Aye, he’s reet tha knows" and outside the conference an enthusiastic supporter from Newcastle said, "whey aye man" and something about the "canny Tyne", but couldn’t be properly understood.

Meanwhile, unconfirmed sources from Downing Street say that Britain is asking Pakistan for foreign aid and stock price shares of MP seats have rocketed since the Conservatives privatized parliament. This comes after a recent Mori Poll finding that the price of a ham sandwich is now beyond the reach of most working class families.

Denying the report and to loud cheers from the front benches and corporate lobbyists, the new Government Minister for More Corruption, Cronyism and Sleaze called the findings "nonsense." He went on to say, "since Aldi’s introduced their 89p range of own brand pizzas for the common working classes, it’s ridiculous to suggest food is unaffordable" and in answer to the Rt. Hon. Deputy Leader Angela Rayner (Lab) concerning cronyism and corruption, I refer her question to the reply given by the previous Rt. Hon Earl of Manchester."

"I say if we in parliament cannot gain from ruling the country there’s really very little point in our being here at all." Manchester to the Rump Parliament. 20th April, 1653.

After the conference both delegates and supporters enjoyed an evening dinner in Barnsley.







The missing whereabouts of Nigel Farage now discovered employed as a waiter in the Mujahideen Curry House in Halifax.

In an interview Mr. Farage said that "after all the promises I made about Brexit, I thought it best to keep my head down and got a gig here for £11ph. They do a really nice goat curry with my own Brexit special fried rice."





There is still hope that a nuclear apocalypse could occur in the next few months and spare Britain from the possibility of Boris Johnson re-entering politics, according to political experts closely monitoring events.

Amnesty International and the Labour Party have also been campaigning against the impending election disaster and say nuclear war is now seen as the UK's best hope.

Speaking in the commons, Labour leader Mr. Starmer said "our only remaining hope is that Russia's invasion of Ukraine spirals into a full-blown European nuclear war, annihilating the UK's population before they can be exposed to a second term of Mr. Johnson."





New proposals outlined in the Labour Party Manifesto include "putting Conservative Ministers behind a pay wall in the House of Commons so that the population no longer have to listen to their bleating, unless they’re willing to pay."

Labour opposition Minister for the environment went on to say, "So all you’d get is an image of a bland entitled face with its mouth opening and closing like a fish. How good is that?!"





Following her efforts to persuade Scots that there was no difference between a woman in a mini skirt and a man with a beard in a kilt, Nicola Sturgeon finally retires having spent the majority of her working life in politics accumulating an estimated personal wealth of £1.2m in the process. Having also been recently accused of financial scandals, she went on to add that the source of her wealth was buying Lidl’s own brand products and using money-off coupons.

Close to tears, Mrs. Sturgeon added that she wasn’t always as miserable as she looked now, but years of living in Scotland had clearly taken their toll and as even the European Union wasn’t interested in having anything to do with the place, she’d decided to give it up as a bad job.