As the conflict in the Ukraine escalates, we look at who would win WW3 in a showdown between NATO and Russia.



Although Russia’s latest T-14 Armata tank and S-500 Prometheus missile system are considered leaders in battlefield technology, America’s stealth fighter Rambo has been known to destroy America’s equivalent versions using a hunting knife and a piece of string. Russian low flying aircraft and attack helicopters would also be at a disadvantage as Rambo is deadly with a catapult at ranges up to three hundred yards.

NATO Commander General Stoltenberg said that using Rambo would free-up the 500 combat troops Britain has recently sent to Estonia as reserves in case Russia attacks Poland 600 miles away.



Western defense chiefs remain optimistic and have calculated that having previously defeated the whole North Vietnamese army single-handedly, it’s entirely feasible that Rambo could single-handedly wipe out the Russian nuclear arsenal and ensure Russia’s defeat.

Meanwhile, in a EU Security Conference members were told that that Ukraine’s Nazi militias must now be referred to as ‘freedom fighters’ and that heavy fighting was taking place in Moscow’s suburbs with only fifteen Ukraine casualties since the conflict began. Josep Borrell, head of the European Defence Agency told the assembly that but for NATO, Russian forces would have reached the English Channel by the year 2040.




Back from training moderate Islamist terrorists in the Middle East, NATO General Secretary Jens Stoltenberg denied that NATO has also been training moderate Nazi militias in the Ukraine. Speaking at a press conference earlier this week, General Stoltenberg said, "Azov who?" Never heard of them, I’m a hip-hop man myself."

When asked why photographs were emerging of Ukrainian nationalists holding NATO flags alongside swastikas, General Stoltenberg replied, "I dunno. Maybe they just found some flags, liked the colours and were waving them around and didn’t know what they were"




Kiev twitter tweeters say they heard someone shouting "don’t push me" in English as an American volunteer with the call sign 'Rambo' single handedly destroyed 15 Russian Su-57 fighter jets and an armoured division in one night.




In an appeal to British volunteers in Ukraine, President Putin went live on air last night to appeal for a Mr Boots, the owner of a pair of reading glasses found on a wall by a sergeant in the 245th Infantry division near Kharkov to come forward and claim them, describing them as black with the owner’s name 'Boots' stamped in yellow lettering on the inner frame.




Speaking at the recent 2024 June Peace Conference in Switzerland, President Zelensky told delegates that the reason for Ukraine’s continuing retreat and set-backs was the failure of Russian forces to self-isolate and wear masks. He went on to add, "I’ve warned our troops to stay away from the Russians except for a one hour a day skirmish as the Russians are deliberately spreading Covid and that’s why our casualty figures are so high."