The lost ‘Last Supper’ painting has been found in the White House basement by a janitor. A Democrat White House aide commented "it’s an amazing find. We’ve not seen excitement like this since Haile Selassie declared himself Emperor of Ethiopia after smoking a herbal substance back in 1930."

The janitor who discovered the painting told reporters, "Gosh and dang, I knowed it was val-u-able soon as I sees it."

Barack Hussein Obama (formerly Barry Soetoro) was widely believed to be a returning Messiah among liberals. His signature cry of "Change we can believe in" electrified an optimistically liberal America who responded with quasi-religious devotion as one by replying, "Yes we can."  

"We thought that he was going to be - I shouldn't say this at Christmas time - but the next messiah" -  Barbara Walters.
"First of all (give) honor to god, and our lord and savior Barack Obama" - Jamie Foxx.

The painting depicts Barack’s last supper in which after ordering in some KFC buckets Barack addressed his disciples thus: "The one who hath taken a chicken nugget from me when I wasn’t looking will betray me." The painting was first thought to be one of the African National Congress (ANC) in 2008, but radio carbon dating authenticated the painting to the White House in December 2016.





In an apparent show of solidarity with low paid workers, a Mr. Bernie Sanders who identifies as a US politician protested outside the White House claiming that in fact capitalism is directly related to the current shortage of carrots.

When challenged to prove his assertion, 82 year old Mr. Sanders did so by putting his head in a bucket of water and breathing deeply to prove capitalism doesn’t work. Mr. Sanders was resuscitated by passers-by and doctors said he is recovering well and expect him to be discharged soon.