A Colchester resident's concerns about potential Russian invasion in England goes viral on Face Book as British defence chiefs prepare for war.


Twenty seven year old Mr Darren Innit a heating engineer from Colchester and self-styled 'Follow the Haddock' street prophet claims Russia was preparing to invade England through his back garden. The Colchester man's warning on his Face Book page which went viral said, "If the Russians had gone around the world and entered Ukraine from the west, my back garden would have been directly in their flight path."

Mr Innit told reporters, "This time last year when the Chinese were going to take over the world my dog started barking one night and next morning I found part of a Chinese parachute harness in my garden. It even had a sticker on it 'Made in China.' I took it to the police station but they tried to tell me it was a piece of old washing line that someone had thrown into my garden."

Darren attracted media attention when he was briefly detained by police outside the library in in Knutsford Cheshire after preaching a sermon of 'why carrots don’t grow on trees.' He later accused President Putin of tampering with his Marmite jar. Unable to unscrew the lid after repeated attempts, it was pointed out to him that he’d been trying to unscrew the top in the wrong direction.  

In the interests of national security, Mr Innit added that he’d applied to join NATO and was prepared to house a missile base at the rear of his green house but so far had not heard anything about his application.





Kiev twitter tweeters say they heard someone shouting "don’t push me" in English as an American volunteer with the call sign 'Rambo' single handedly destroyed 15 Russian Su-57 fighter jets and an armored division in one night.

Speaking at a UN Conference, NATO General Stoltenberg told reporters, "Rambo? Never heard of him, I’m a hip-hop man myself."  




In an appeal to British volunteers in Ukraine, President Putin went live on air last night to appeal for a Mr Boots, the owner of a pair of reading glasses found on a wall by a sergeant in the 245th Infantry division near Kharkov to come forward and claim them. Mr Putin described them as black with the owners name 'Boots' stamped in yellow lettering on the inner frame.