American Voters Elect the Son of God

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American Voters Elect the Son of God

Post by Kris P. Bacon Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:03 am

Reading time 4 - 5 minutes

Who will be America's new messiah in the 2024 election as the political messiah candidates fight it out? Will Donald Trump the Son of God return to lead America forwards?

Donald Trump Confirms He is the Son of God

It’s official say US news headlines: The Son of God is living in Florida.


The son of Fred Trump points to a similar bright star he claims shone over his birth place

Following the retirement of Obama the returning Messiah who was crucified by the US news media, a man in a red baseball cap became a president sent by God. Denying news media headlines and rumors that the bright star shining over his birthplace was in fact a 150 watt light bulb, Donald, the only-begotten son of Fred Trump, promised his optimistic followers great wealth if they would follow him.


Mr. Trump with the best selling book he says God told him to write

Speaking in a sermon on his golf course at Mar-a-Lago , Mr. Trump told the assembled multitudes, "I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and I’ll have Mexico pay for that wall."

However, having failed to build the promised wall to keep out unbelievers and despite proclaiming himself King of Israel, there followed betrayal by one of his disciples, Rex son of Tillerson from the House of Exxon, who disowned him as a "f***ing moron." The whole unfortunate episode later brushed under the carpet and blamed on the long-suffering pessimistic Russians.


Donald tells a bankrupt, "Go forth and be bankrupt no more"

"To say no to President Trump would be saying no to God and I wont do that" - Paula White, President Trumps White House spiritual adviser.
Ms. White went on to win the 2016 best actress award for her performance in the award-winning movie Gone with Trumps Wind.


Eventually, Donald the Son of God was delivered to his pretrial in New York by Pontius Biden on charges of fraud and publicly scourged. Arguing that he was the best president in American history, Donald uttered the now famous phrase, ‘’Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do, bing, bing bong.’’

Meanwhile, news headlines from research scientists from the Royal Society of Astronomy now suggest the claim of a bright star seen in the East on the morning of Mr. Trump’s birth may well have been the sun rising. There are also allegations that tracts of his best seller were plagerized from a book previously written by a gentleman living on Mount Sinai named Moses.

Famous quotes from from Mr Trump’s best-selling book


- "This Moses guy wanders 40 years, never even makes it into the land of Canaan? There's a name for guys like that. Loser."

- "Corinthians? They’re fine people, wonderful people, make a tremendous leather product.  My home in Malibu is covered in it."

- "Joseph & Mary rode a donkey into a foreign town to have a baby in a manger? Sound like illegals to me."

- "The Samaritans are dirty and low class. They're not sending us their best people."

- "And I came to them walking on the waves and said, "Have you seen the polls? I'm like WAY ahead. It's not even close."

- "I will do great things for Israel, there will be no more wailing at the Wailing Wall. It will be a great wall when I'm done with it!"

Other News Headlines


Missing Man Found in Swamp


Mr. Trump found alive and well in New York

Police confirm that an elderly man missing from his home for several days has been found alive and well in a swamp at the rear of the Manhattan Chase Bank on Wall Street. Speaking to reporters back in his home in Florida, Mr. Trump said "I’ve no idea what I was doing in that swamp, or who put all that cash in my pockets. I only popped out for a bottle of milk and kinda got lost."

Jared Kushner Denies Corruption Allegations


The red Ferrari on Mr Kushner's twenty four million dollar mansion driveway

Mr. Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner told a grand jury he has no idea how a Ferrari stuffed full of cash on his driveway got there.

Mr Trump Head Butts a Bullet at PA Rally


Supporters gather to hug Mr Trump for his daredevil stunt

Mr Trump was examined in hospital after a stunt in which he deflected a bullet with his head. He told supporters this was bulletproof evidence his Father offered him divine protection as cheering supporters chanted "Donald Duck."

Satirical Squirrel

Kris P. Bacon

Posts : 5
Join date : 2024-04-08

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